Plans, Plans, Plans

I'm currently drowning in homeschooling books, binders, schedules, and webpages in the attempt to formulate a plan for our upcoming school year.  Having things planned out for the year helps our day run more smoothly and keeps me a bit more sane!  I don't plan every detail but do like to have most of our books broken out into daily chunks so that everything can become a "do the next thing" type of program.  This year I'm also hoping to incorporate a few new organizational ideas that in theory, will make things even easier for us and help the kids gain some more independence in their school work. 

While the task of planning for the school year is a bit daunting, it is also kind of fun for me.  By nature, I'm a planner.... I like to plan.  (Actually, I like having plans, not necessarily the process that goes into making the plans:).)  There is something really satisfying about knowing what is going to come next and not having to wonder (and worry) about how everything is going to get done.  I realize God made me a planner and that it is a gift that can be used by Him.  However, I also realize that my sinful nature has the ability to distort this quality into something not at all like God intended.  With my desire to plan also comes my desire to control.  My plans are often my attempt to control my life and circumstances.  Problem is.... when I'm trying to control my life it leaves no room for me to follow the plans God has for me.  This isn't to say God never wants me to plan out my day, week, or even my life.  It just means that those plans need to be based on the desires God has for me and that I need to be ready to alter them when I get off course and start trying to control my own path.   Planning can also get me in trouble when it becomes a mechanism for me to deal with worry.  If I plan things then I don't have to worry about them, right!?!?!  But God has told us not to worry and to trust Him.  Instead of turning my worries over to my ability to plan (and control) I need to turn my worries over to God.

So as I plan for this upcoming school year, my prayer is that I can allow God to control and direct our days.  I also pray that I can turn the worries that I have about "am I doing enough", "are the kids learning what they are supposed to learn", etc. over to God because ultimately, He has a unique plan for each and every one of my kids and if I give our school over to Him,  he will prepare the kids for the calling and mission He has designed each of them to accomplish.... I don't need to worry about it!

Growing in Christ

In the last six months or so, my husband and I have had some really good conversations that have all circulated around the same basic ideas and topics.  It all started one day when I had a mini breakdown about myself and my feelings of spiritual inadequacy.  I am typically a pretty logical and academic person.  By the term "academic", I don't mean that I am super smart or anything like that.  What I mean by that term is that I think of things in an academic, factual, and concrete manner.  I'm not very touchy-feely or emotional and the way I process things reflects that, including the way I often think of spiritual growth.  Now, I know that spiritual growth is not about how much knowledge I have about the Bible, how many verses I can properly quote, whether or not I know all of the historical background that lends significance to each Biblical event etc.  But, because I like to think of things in an "academic" manner, I began to judge my spiritual maturity based on the (lack of) number of books I had read about deep theological topics, the (lack of) deep Biblical group studies I had recently been a part of, and the (lack of) scripture I was able to quote.

Thankfully, God has blessed me with a husband who is more "academic" than me and is always a clear thinker.  He gently reminded me, that while the pursuit of Biblical knowledge and theology is good, it can also become a god in our lives if that is the end we are pursuing.  He also reminded me that I already know plenty about God and His desires for my life and challenged me to see if I was already doing what God was asking of me.  It made me realize that I was getting caught up in the idea of being "Bible/Theology smart" instead of really focusing on letting the things that I already know about God to change me.

So I am trying to take these things to heart.  Instead of berating myself for not reading all of the books that everyone says I "need" to read, I'm trying to concentrate on just living a life that is more Christ-like.  For me, 1 John 4:7-8 coupled with 1 Corinthians 13, are the verses that I am really holding on to in this journey.  The passage in 1 John tells us that whoever loves, is born of God and knows God.  The passage in 1 Corinthians seems to take this to the next step and tells me exactly what love is.  If I can work on really loving, as it is defined in the Bible, then I will grow in my faith, relationship, and knowledge of God.